


recusant

by orphan_account



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Brief Mentions of Character Death, Drabble, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, brief mentions of choking, gotta love that, not melody of memory compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27552829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: nouna person who refuses to submit to an authority or to comply with a regulation.( ienzo reflects, somewhat, & wonders if he deserves what he’s been through. )
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	recusant

**Author's Note:**

> hey please read the tags carefully. because i had thoughts.  
> this stemmed from my fe au of ienzo being akin to ?? a dark mage. and then i had headcanons about the effects of magic on a person & this. was a thing.  
> i briefly remember oomf on twitter speculating on why the org13 members wear gloves so heha

ienzo has a fondness for wearing gloves. it’s the same thing as his ascot, hiding his skin; though a constant thing present, it doesn’t even bother him. 

well. _most_ of the time. 

when the fabric around his neck -- which does the job well of covering now raised and healed scarring -- tightens, it reminds him just ... a bit _too_ much of his death. and he always feels like he can’t breathe with it, though it lessens as he goes through with the panic attacks, merely accepting it as it is at this point. which is why he prefers to keep it somewhat loose, which ienzo knows even questions.

probably the same reason why he likes wearing gloves. partially because, on the back of his less preferred hand ( _he taught himself how to properly use both -- just in case_ ), is the recusant’s sigil, ugly and dark and reminding himself of his past mistakes. sure, he was a child, but he was always _smart_ ; ienzo should have _known_ what he was doing was wrong. 

the scientist looks around the lab room, and he rubs at his eyes tiredly, not entirely sure how long he’s been hunched over; working away at some mindless project to help keep his mind off things. it’s about the local flora, mostly because he’s always been drawn to the plants -- though he knows he lacks the actual ability to take care of anything, especially when he can’t even take care of himself. 

the other thing about the gloves is just the state of his hands, in general. it’s probably from the magic he used as -- _him_ , though dark lichtenberg figures make their way up on his skin, the same black as the sigil. what really stands out, perhaps, is the state of the way his fingertips are in; the figures slowly fade, into a ghastly transparent. 

looking at it makes ienzo feel uneasy. 

he wonders if it’s just him who’s been physically impacted like this; with even and his ice, the man has always been cold, though ienzo wonders if it’s been worsened ever since their recreation. he wouldn’t entirely know, he hasn’t been around even outside of the lab -- and he doesn’t see him around the rare times demyx ( _no somebody name? ienzo wonders why, and would pester the man about it, though holds himself back because he’s been getting strangely comfortable around him_ ) would drag him out of the lab. 

ienzo also wonders if his reactions to these things are _normal_. he craves the way that his magic felt, though the stings of actually using it -- and the long-term side effects -- aren’t appealing. he’s afraid whenever his feelings go particularly numb, like he’s somehow back in the state of being _him_. 

he also doesn’t know how to feel and to express his emotions, growing up without them. and he certainly can’t look lea or riku in the eyes. 

it’s shameful, really. especially when ienzo knows that it’s particularly not their faults. but he can’t help it, so he avoids going outside of the lab all-together. 

it’s much safer inside their than outside. 

he wonders if he deserves this. and sits like that for a while, stemming in his own thoughts before he gets back up again to work or is forcibly dragged outside. 

he likes wearing ascots and gloves. nobody particularly knows the reason why, which is good. ienzo would much prefer to keep that to himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me at my [twitter](https://twitter.com/corvidmage) :]


End file.
